To Know Thyself
Is The Beginning of All Wisdom
“Sometimes you have to die a little inside to be reborn and rise again as a stronger version of yourself.” — Nikita Gill
Having dropped two visual and audio episodes of Legacy and Labour, I still haven’t been able to sit down and do a retrospective of everything that has been going on because it has been an on going process of editing, uploading, reviewing analytics, finding ways to promote it and getting this storytelling platform out there. I’ve been doing the ground work and doing it scared.
For those that don’t know - Legacy and Labour, The premium storytelling platform was birthed out of pain, rage and anguish.
A series events in 2024 left me FUMING. I was left wondering why I was tolerating so much and putting my life on hold when I was getting NOTHING. The ROI was NEGATIVE.
The day I came to this painful realisation, I screamed. I Screamed into my pillow at how heavy my chest felt and how HOT my head was.
After screaming and not being able to shout as loud as I needed to, to let the pain out, I realised I needed a physical outlet. To punch something. To kick something. To shriek out loud and let everyone know how unfair they were being to me.
I got my laptop instead and started pouring out all the words and feelings that had been lodged in me for so long. The thoughts I had never verbalised or even allowed myself to dwell on for so long began to appear on the screen in front of me.
I expressed my raw feelings. I didn’t hold back on anything, I just wrote until I was tired. I saved the document and went about my evening. I didn’t revisit it again until I was having a conversation with a friend and explaining how my year was going so far and then for the first time, I let her in and showed her what I wrote and her words were ‘I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this’.
I then plucked up courage to share it with another friend and his response was ‘I’m not taking away how you feel, but I don’t think you should ever share this with anyone.’ I was so upset at what he said. I felt like my feelings WERE being invalidated because why should I keep covering the wrong doings of other people and dimming my light just to appease everyone else? I didn’t speak on it again or share my feelings with anyone because I thought ‘what if he is right? This would be really bad if it came out because I’m being very direct in how i feel about everyone mentioned’
After a while, I felt ashamed when I realised I was still in my people pleasing bag. Why did I allow someones opinion to shut me up? I shook myself off and then I started intentionally living for myself. I started enjoying life as it was. Focusing on how I could make ME happy. The things I had put on hold? I went to find them again.
I started implementing boundaries. I started speaking up against things I didn’t like and I was no longer afraid of hurting the feelings of those that had no regard for mine in the first place.
It was hard.
I struggled with self doubt.
I fought against the will to continue people pleasing and released myself from the shackles of ‘what would they think? what will they say?’
I started asking MYSELF ‘what do you think of this?’ ‘Is this a decision you’ll be proud of or is this something you’ll come to regret later on?’
When I knew things REALLY had to change was when I shared the writing with another friend who is a fellow firstborn daughter and her reaction left me SHOCKED. She burst into tears at how relatable everything I wrote was and how she felt like she had put her life on hold and the people she sacrificed for had surpassed her and she was left feeling like she had nothing to show for it. I remember staring at her as we sat in the restaurant that was full of people and their loud conversations. I was stuck for a moment as my mind rushed to figure out which part triggered her as she wiped her tears with the end of her sleeves. I could feel the tears prickling at the back of my eyes as I titled my head back and looked up at the ceiling briefly so she didn’t see how her tears would affect me. I knew if I let my own tears fall that I would be the inconsolable one out of the two of us.
The only question in my mind at that moment was ‘Is this life?’
Being the firstborn/ eldest daughter means you most likely have the unofficial title as the family manager. The go to when calamity strikes. The surrogate mother to your younger siblings and sometimes even your parents. The family bank. Unpaid caretaker. The chef, cleaner, free babysitter and the ultimate sacrificer.
I felt defeated. When would the cycle stop? When would things change? How many more firstborns, especially firstborn daughters had to continue putting themselves last with nothing to show for it?
Then this year (2025) I set myself a challenge. ‘Know thyself. Discover thyself.’ because outside of being a firstborn daughter, who really am I?
What I was feeling was not unique. Someone somewhere had a similar, if not more painful experience. In fact, there are those that are still upcoming who are gearing up to go through the same injustices’ of putting others first.
Then I realised something… It doesn’t have to be like that.
There really can be a difference.
There were stories that needed to be told.
People, not just firstborns had to learn from experiences of others because I am a firm believer that there are certain mistakes that should not be repeated.
This birthed the mantra of Legacy & Labour that is rooted in a Yoruba Proverb:
Ògbón ológbon ni ènìyàn fi ń kọ́ ògbón
[We learn wisdom from other people's wisdom ]
If you have watched my Introduction video on why Legacy & Labour was created, then you’ll know this is not a one size fits all storytelling platform. There is so much to come and so much being done right now.
In this season of knowing and discovering thyself, I have really jumped in head first to do things I would normally run away from. I have purposely PUSHED myself out of my comfort zone and you know what? I don’t know why I didn’t do this earlier. I had no reason to be afraid. ( I did but this will be another post about how easy it is to let other peoples opinions and expectations control your life and leave you crippled with the fear of disappointing them).
I sat on the idea for Legacy and Labour for months. I wasn’t sure how to execute it or where to even start. But I started. I took a HUGE leap of faith. ( One day I will actually share the story of the sequence of events that have led up to these moments).
I won’t even lie, I felt a HUGE burden to get the episodes recorded, edited and uploaded on the relevant platforms but life as we know it will always throw curve balls but you either let it get you down or you pick yourself up and continue the journey because Plan > Mood.
I’ll wrap this up by saying this: The messages, calls and voice notes I have received after the launch of Legacy and Labour have been WOW! The day episode 1 went live, I felt a burden had been lifted off my chest ( No jokes).
To think I had contemplated not even uploading it (LOL!) but God has a good sense of humour because the sign he sent to me? I rushed home to ensure there was no more dilly dallying.
There was a particular phone call that brought me to TEARS! I wept on the phone as I listened to the testimony the episode had brought to someone very near and dear to me. I hope with permission, I am able to share it one day.
I actually have stories for DAYS! and if you know me… Then you know a good gisting session is right up my street! Gist ( storytelling as I like to call it) is a way of life, persevering culture and traditions, passing on information ( do with that what you will) and dare I say it, an integral part of community.
I hope to share more stories of myself and others because, how else will we learn and grow?
Thank you for following me this far dear reader.
Legacy & Labour is not just mine. It is yours. It is ours.
I sign this out with all my love,
Agnes Yewande